Balancing Friendships as the Only Mom in the Group
Motherhood is one of the most rewarding experiences, but it also comes with challenges that can be hard to explain—especially when you’re the only one in your friend group with kids. It’s not that your friends don’t love or support you, but there’s a natural shift in dynamics that happens when your priorities change in a way they haven’t yet experienced.
If you’ve ever felt torn between wanting to go out and knowing the mental gymnastics it takes to make it happen, or if you’ve struggled with feeling left out but also not wanting to bring your child everywhere, you’re not alone. Balancing motherhood, friendships, and personal time is a journey, and while it comes with its frustrations, there are ways to handle it with love, understanding, and grace.
The Reality of Making Plans When You Have Kids
Before becoming a mom, making plans was simple—pick a date, pick a place, and show up. Now, the process looks a little different. It’s not just about if you’re free, but who is available to watch your child, what time works best so it doesn’t disrupt their routine, and whether you’ll even have the energy after handling work, home, and everything in between.
And while friends might casually say, “Just get a sitter!” it’s not always that easy. Some of us don’t have an endless list of babysitters we trust, and even when we do have help, sometimes we just don’t feel comfortable leaving our child. It’s not about not wanting to go out—it’s about making sure we’re balancing our responsibilities in a way that still feels right for us.
The best way to handle this? Let your friends know that you want to be included, even if you can’t always make it. When people assume we’re too busy, they might stop inviting us altogether, which can be disappointing. An invitation doesn’t mean pressure—it just means we still have the choice.
Wanting to Go Out vs. The Reality of Coming Back Home
Moms want to go out. We miss having fun, being spontaneous, and not having to think five steps ahead at all times. But the reality is that going out looks a little different when you know you still have to come home and be on.
For our friends, a night out means a full reset when they get home—sleeping in, relaxing the next day, moving on with their plans. For us? Even if we stay out late, we’re still waking up at the crack of dawn to get back to parenting. If bedtime routines get thrown off, we’re the ones dealing with the aftermath. And if we work full-time, we’re juggling the exhaustion of keeping everything running smoothly on top of everything else.
That doesn’t mean we never want to go out—it just means we have to be more intentional about when and how we do it. Brunch, early dinners, or house hangs where we don’t have to worry about logistics? Always a win.
Handling Canceled Plans with Grace
We’ve all had those moments—going through the effort to find a sitter, get dressed, and mentally prepare to step out, only for plans to be canceled last minute. Before motherhood, this might have been annoying, but now? It can feel like a major letdown. Not because we’re mad at our friends, but because making time for ourselves takes effort, and when it falls through, it’s hard not to feel like we wasted the little window we had.
That said, things happen, and flexibility is key. The best way to handle this without resentment is by having backup plans—whether it’s turning the night into a self-care moment, catching up on rest, or making alternate plans with another friend. While it’s okay to feel frustrated, shifting the focus to what can still be done helps keep things positive.
Finding a Safe Space to Be Honest About Motherhood
One of the biggest challenges of being the only mom in a friend group without kids is that sometimes, when we express frustration, we’re met with “Well, this is what you wanted.”
And yes, we did choose motherhood, and we love it deeply—but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard sometimes. Just like any job, relationship, or major life change, there are moments of stress, exhaustion, and frustration. And just like anyone else, we should have the space to vent about those challenges without it being mistaken for regret.
The key here is finding the right spaces for these conversations. Some friends will naturally be more understanding than others, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean they don’t care—it just means they might not be able to relate in the way we need. Having mom friends or even a group chat where you can share those feelings freely can make a huge difference.
And for our friends who do want to support us but don’t always know how? A simple “I hear you, that sounds tough” goes a long way. Sometimes, we don’t need advice or solutions—just a moment to be seen and understood.
Keeping Friendships Strong Through Life Changes
At the end of the day, friendships don’t have to suffer just because our lives are different. It all comes down to mutual understanding and effort. Some ways to keep friendships strong include:
1. Keeping communication open. If something is bothering you, address it with love instead of holding it in.
2. Being upfront about what works for you. If late nights aren’t ideal, suggest alternative ways to hang out.
3. Understanding that both sides have adjustments to make. Just like motherhood changed your priorities, your friends’ lives are evolving in their own ways too.
4. Giving grace. Not everyone will get it right all the time, but effort matters.
5. Making time for yourself too. While friendships are important, so is making sure you feel balanced, supported, and not overwhelmed.
Motherhood changes everything—including friendships. But when there’s love and understanding, those friendships can still thrive. It’s all about adapting, being patient with each other, and making space for everyone’s journey—no matter how different they may be.
