Mom Guilt: The Useless Emotion We Can’t Seem to Shake
Mom Guilt: The Useless Emotion We Can’t Seem to Shake
Mom guilt is a curious thing. It arrives uninvited, lingers too long, and seems to thrive in the most inconvenient moments. It’s there when you hand your baby off so you can pee in peace. It’s there when you check your phone while they entertain themselves with a toy. And it’s certainly there when you dare to admit, even in the quietest corners of your mind, that you might just need a break.
It’s insidious, irrational, and let’s be honest, completely useless.
The Myth of the Perfect Mother
Somewhere along the way, we absorbed the idea that a good mother is one who is forever selfless, always present, and never overwhelmed. She is patient, glowing, and deeply fulfilled by every sticky-fingered hug and sleep-deprived sunrise. She does not fantasize about a solo weekend in a hotel. She does not count the minutes until bedtime. She certainly doesn’t want to go out with her friends, dress up, and feel like herself again.
Of course, she does not exist.
And yet, we hold ourselves to this impossible standard, measuring our success against a version of motherhood that has been carefully curated for social media—scrubbed clean of tantrums, exhaustion, and the very real need for a break. The reality is far messier. It involves moments of deep love and also deep frustration, of boundless joy and the occasional Google search for jobs that require zero human interaction.
Balancing Motherhood & Having a Life
For moms who enjoy being social, the guilt can hit even harder. Going out with friends? Cue the intrusive thoughts: Shouldn’t I be home? Planning a trip? Is it wrong to want time for myself? Splitting time with their dad—whether you’re together or not? Am I doing enough when I do have them?
The truth? You can love your child and have a life. You can be a present mother and enjoy time with friends. You can co-parent and set boundaries that allow you to recharge. Balance isn’t about giving every part of yourself all the time—it’s about knowing when to pour into yourself so you can show up fully for them.
Mom Guilt’s Greatest Hits
If mom guilt had an album, it would be full of chart-toppers like:
“You Should Be Soaking Up Every Moment” (even the ones where you’re running on fumes and questioning your life choices).
“A Good Mom Wouldn’t Need Help” (despite centuries of communal child-rearing that prove otherwise).
“You Wanted This, Remember?” (as if that somehow negates the right to struggle).
Rejecting the Narrative & Finding Solutions
So how do we unlearn a lifetime of messaging that tells us we’re always falling short?
Drop the "Perfect Mom" Act. Your child doesn’t need a mother who’s “on” 24/7—they need a mom who is real. One who teaches them that balance, joy, and self-care matter.
Own Your Time Guilt-Free. If you want to go out, go out. If you need quiet time, take it. If their dad or the sitter has them, enjoy the time instead of questioning whether you should be doing more.
Find a System That Works. Whether it’s scheduling set social time, rotating child-free nights, or creating routines that make the most of your time together, structure makes balance easier.
Remind Yourself: A Happy Mom = A Thriving Child. When you prioritize yourself, you show up as your best self. That energy is felt—and it’s a gift to your child.
At the end of the day, mom guilt is just noise. And the best mother? She’s not the one who never falters—she’s the one who teaches her child that being human is more than enough.
